coffee machine of +5 destruction

I freely admit I'm not a fan of fancy cooking machines. Therefore when our new extra-fancy, schmancy, SWISS-made coffee machine arrived, the first thing I did was to bless the damned thing with liberal amounts of holy water and sacrifices to the Machine God. (Granted the sacrifice was a half mug of leftover beer, but damnit that was a waste of good alcohol!)

Below is the adventures of Roland, Sept 23rd starting @ 7 in the morning.

Step 1) Bless the infernal machine. Check
Step 2) Read the instruction manual. Check-- although knowing nothing about coffee besides I like mine black and strong puts me at an unique disadvantage.
Step 3) Add coffee beans, water in proportions according to instruction manual. Check.
Step 4) Attempt to make a mocha. Can't be hard, there's only 4 buttons on the machine and a slightly evil looking pointy device which is supposed to make milk 'frothy'.
Step 5) Insert coffee cup and hold button until cup is relatively full. Check although I did forget to pull the dispensing nozzle all the way forward so got slightly spattered with burning hot drops of coffee.
Step 6) Make milk microfoam... Reread instructions, go on wikipedia and Youtube to watch how professionals do it. At this point I KNOW I'm going to make a mess. Go grab the heavy-duty apron, extra milk, large pitcher and several dish rags.

Attempt to make milk microfoam #1:
Apparently I stuck the pointy thing too deep and boiled the milk. The milk was kind enough to let me know that it was hot enough by splashing out of the cup and onto my hand. I was very appreciative and thanked it by swearing in 3 languages. Bubbles was too large and theoretically not pretty enough to be used. Still enough milk for another try after the remainder stops boiling.

Attempt to make milk microfoam #2:
According to Wikihow, I'm supposed to swirl the milk cup in a circular fashion until the milk achieves a consistency of thick syrup. Mine looks like I took a cup of milk and subjected to a Guatanomo-styled treatment of steam. I give it a 4 outta 10.

Step 7) Add milk microfoam to coffee, chocolate and cinnamon and Ghetto-Mocha is ready! And it even tastes like a mocha!! Next step, 美食美酒 !!