Grandma got very seriously disease. I never thought about it.She is strong little lady,with lovely smile.
When dad told me that, doctor said she could not spend next festivel,i felt nothing.It is a kind of can-happened thing for me.
Grandpa died 13 years ago.I still remember the day.I love him,but i know he loved me more.The night before he died,grandma was so quite.She said nothing .She just did some cleaning.She said;he will come back soon.I cried very very loudly.
Grandma felt scared.I have to say,when the time comes, everyone will feel scared.We did not tell her.But she could feel.She knows about her own body condition.
I went to hospital to see her last week. She talked about death.She told me there was a girl next her last week.She was pretty and only 25,who just had a one-year-old babe.She needs to get another kidney and her mom can give her one.However,it cost 300,000rmb to operate and another 60,000 per year to make it work.They do not have monery so they left.
I do not know what kind of feeling to wait for death.It looks like a thing which is so far away from me.I read book,I talked with people.I tried to feel that and even to imagine it.But i know ,i cannot know it unless i faced it.
One of my uncle told me:love ur life but never feel scared of death.Then he told me he "got"cancer in 2006.The doctor told him and he began to cure for 3 day.Then he went to another hospital to do second examier.and he found it was a misdiagnose.When the doctor told him the right result,he asked:would u mind saying again?and the doctor said again.He burst into tears at once.
My latest program in radio is about a movie named <love for life>.I watched it after my recording.The great stars such as zhang ziyi,guo fucheng,pu cunxi did a good job .They give us a deep thought about our life, the relationship among people,the most valuable things in our life and what we can do at the last days of our life.
"Lets marry ,as we are still alive"Zhang ziyi said in the movie. Not only marriage,there are so many things we need to do when we are sitll alive.Never waste time,because we never know when we will leave this lovely world.
I am seeking and seeking and seeking for the real meaning of our life,of my life.I will keep seeking.
At least ,on the seeking way.i could find some .Love for friends, for family,for freedom,for the people arround,for this lovely world.